Monday, November 19, 2007

Originally uploaded by jammy-dodger

I'm 34, and I'm slowly starting to be happy with the way I look.

For years I, like most people, have been unhappy with my body and the way I look. I've always thought I was far too skinny, and I hate my lack of hairiness - issues that a lot of people would find quite bizarre, considering that the "ideal" for men is slim and smooth.

I'm not one to follow mainstream thinking though.

I've mentioned before a long time ago that my personal self-esteem issues stem from the fact that I find guys bigger and hairier than me attractive. It's an innate part of being gay I think - the narcissistic reflection. You find people of your own gender attractive, and so you constantly compare yourself to the objects of your desire.

But things have been changing lately. Over the last couple of years I've gotten out of my self-destructive phase, which saw my weight drop to 10 1/2 stone. On my 6'2" frame, that's medically underweight. Although I didn't have much awareness of what was happening to me at the time, I definitely noticed that I wasn't really attractive to a lot of guys.

So I've gotten my weight up to a much healthier 12 stone - I was managing to get in the gym for a while which helped, and I've been eating a lot better - regularly and generally healthier.

I'm still not 100% happy with the way I look, but I'm a lot happier, and I'm a lot happier because my attitude to myself is changing, rather than my body. I have a lot to be pleased with - I'm 34 years old and I have a body a lot of guys my age or younger would kill for.

I don't mean that to sound egotistical, trust me, it isn't - if I could trade it for something a little shorter and chubbier, I would.

I know, I'm an odd man.

posted at 11:16 AM

Thursday, November 15, 2007

tree streetlamp
Originally uploaded by jammy-dodger

Just an image I made last night on the walk back home from the tube - always nice to have time to do things like this that I can't do when I'm cycling home.

The new camera is a Canon Ixus 860 IS - it's a lovely little camera, with a fantastic view screen and some great features. One slightly irritating niggle with the camera is responsible for this photo - switching off the flash when in automatic mode only holds as long as you don't power down. If you power down the flash switches back to automatic mode.

I forgot to switch the flash off when taking this picture, as I was trying to capture images of trees using just streetlights, but I love how this one came out, actually more than the other ones where I got it "right".

Happy little accidents.

posted at 3:40 PM

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Originally uploaded by jammy-dodger

I was going to post yesterday. I was all ready to, with a nice story and a nice picture to go with it.

Then on the way into work I had a bit of an accident, and went over the handlebars of my bicycle. Trying to be clever and get up onto the (totally devoid of pedestrians) pavement, but misjudging it, skidding and crashing onto it instead. No major damage to me or the bike, except for a few grazes, a bumped head and wounded pride. I think I was a little concussed all day though.

My head's still a little bit fuzzy, but that's probably more to do with the fact that I've had pressure on a nerve in my neck for the past six months. Although I managed to get rid of the symptoms (a bit of dizziness and light-headedness) after a trip to the doctor, they've come back a bit.

That'll teach me trying to be clever.

posted at 5:58 PM

Monday, November 12, 2007

spontaneous reorganisation
Originally uploaded by jammy-dodger
Thinking about writing again. A lot has changed, a lot has stayed the same. Same elements, different configuration maybe.

I've started uploading images to flickr, so this is the starting point. Let's see how I get on this time...
posted at 11:19 AM

So - you're here looking for smut are you? If it's Cristian Solimeno you're after, he's here, in all his lardy glory. If it's girl-on-girl stuff with Lowri Turner, I suggest you seek professional help.
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