Originally uploaded by jammy-dodger
I'm 34, and I'm slowly starting to be happy with the way I look.
For years I, like most people, have been unhappy with my body and the way I look. I've always thought I was far too skinny, and I hate my lack of hairiness - issues that a lot of people would find quite bizarre, considering that the "ideal" for men is slim and smooth.
I'm not one to follow mainstream thinking though.
I've mentioned before a long time ago that my personal self-esteem issues stem from the fact that I find guys bigger and hairier than me attractive. It's an innate part of being gay I think - the narcissistic reflection. You find people of your own gender attractive, and so you constantly compare yourself to the objects of your desire.
But things have been changing lately. Over the last couple of years I've gotten out of my self-destructive phase, which saw my weight drop to 10 1/2 stone. On my 6'2" frame, that's medically underweight. Although I didn't have much awareness of what was happening to me at the time, I definitely noticed that I wasn't really attractive to a lot of guys.
So I've gotten my weight up to a much healthier 12 stone - I was managing to get in the gym for a while which helped, and I've been eating a lot better - regularly and generally healthier.
I'm still not 100% happy with the way I look, but I'm a lot happier, and I'm a lot happier because my attitude to myself is changing, rather than my body. I have a lot to be pleased with - I'm 34 years old and I have a body a lot of guys my age or younger would kill for.
I don't mean that to sound egotistical, trust me, it isn't - if I could trade it for something a little shorter and chubbier, I would.
I know, I'm an odd man.