Ok, two possible posts today - either:

How I spent my weekend - concentrating on how I simulated sexual acts on stage while being urged on by a 7 foot tall woman with baked beans dripping from her groin, and how I was Martin Degville from Sigue Sigue Sputnik's bitch.

OR

How I spent my weekend - concentrating on how my life is descending into chaos and despair, how I can't get over my ex and how the drugs seem to make it better worse better.

posted at 10:14 AM •

Riding out of play
Monday evening A106
Sinking marshes
Opaque night
Mary axe
A grave of cloud; light range abandoned
Disconnected void:
Vision, distance, location
Cocaine-fuelled love in a city of friends
Highs and companionship

And for that lifetime I felt sadness.

posted at 11:25 PM •

Riding into work
Monday morning A106
Rising marshes
Clear day
Mary axe
A cradle of cloud; dark range reached
Connected stimulus:
Vision, distance, location
Cocaine-fuelled grief in a city of strangers
Comedowns and loneliness

And for that brief moment I felt happiness.

posted at 3:51 PM •

Riding into work this morning - late as usual on a monday morning - I turned a corner onto the the A106, which rises slightly above the surrounding Hackney marshes. On a clear day you can see all the way over to 30 St. Mary Axe, but today a low bank of cloud hung in the distance. This dark range reached right the way across the horizon, and for a few brief seconds my brain read the information not as cloud, but as distant hills.

In those few moments before my conscious mind connected the incoming stimulus of vision, distance and location into a more objective version of reality, I was no longer in East London - I was back on the Isle of Man. In those few moments, I was innocent again - untouched by grief and loneliness, cocaine-fuelled highs and comedowns. I was no longer in a city of strangers, I was cradled in the rugged landscape of my childhood, and for that brief moment I felt happy.

posted at 12:48 PM •

An apology

Sorry. I feel like I've been doing a total Martine since I toe-dipped back into blogdom, and phoning in all my posts. I've been in code-troll mode all week at work - and coupled with the fact that I got a gentle ticking off for being late (again) on Monday morning, I've not been able to make time for writing.

I've spent most of this week looking over my shoulder, paranoid that I'm not going to be able to keep this job - which I suppose is entirely natural when you've been employed for two years by a company that wiped their arse on you. I don't think I'm going to feel settled until:

• They buy me a new desktop machine
• I get the current project well underway
• Get past my three month 'trial/probation' period
• Get pissed with everyone

OK, I've done the last one - last week's xmas night out at Potemkin, swanky Russian restaurant in Clerkenwell saw to that.

So until I start to feel a bit more settled, you're going to have to make do with the odd grabbed moments.

I know how you feel Martine.

posted at 11:20 AM •

Oh yeah - Happy First Blog Birthday, me.

Make a wish...

posted at 11:10 PM •

posted at 2:31 PM •

The rest of my life may be going down the pan, but - hey - at least I've rediscovered how to cook for myself. The only problem is there's no-one to share it with. No-one to share my grilled scottish rainbow trout fillets with a creamy parsley and lemon sauce, sautéd chestnut mushrooms, asparagus and garlic buttered baby new potatoes.

Oh, and no-one to share the washing-up with. Curses.

posted at 10:33 PM •

Just wondering - is WiFi (Wireless Fidelity - catch all term for any wireless pc technology) pronounced Wiy-Fiy, or Whiffy?

Nothing to do with poo...

posted at 10:46 AM •

I know what you did last summer
Number 1: Got a free camera phone

posted at 5:27 PM •

(With apologies to Blue Witch for the continued coprological allusions)

Fecal matter still buoyantly refusing to be sewer bound.

The metaphorical crap, however, is starting to feel a bit like it's dislodging itself from the bowl with the help of a metaphorical toilet brush in swarthy greek form.

It's early days yet, but your humble host is, well, sort of, almost, kind of dating. A bit. Nothing serious.

Meanwhile, I'm getting thoroughly techie again. I recently installed OSX 10.3 Panther (don't worry if that doesn't mean anything to you) on my laptop and it's an absolute joy to use. I've also splashed out on a wireless adaptor, which so far is doing very little other than displaying a little light and telling me that there's a local network called 'clerkenwell' in my vicinity. I just popped down to the local benugo's to check out their WiFi offering - just to see how they work it, didn't take my laptop though - I didn't want to look like a total geek.

posted at 2:45 PM •